I'm back!
So here we are--years later!
The last time I posted was when my oldest daughter was one-and-a-half and this may very well be the first time I've come up for air.
I type this from my keyboard covered in sharpie, with my middle daughter laying of the floor playing with a kitchen utensil, my youngest, a son, sleeping off a nose-smashing, lip-bleeding fall he experienced while I taught Stroller Strides this morning, and my oldest daughter on her way home from a beloved short day of school.
The title I'm back means so much more than that I am back to my blog (and a maybe at that because who knows what will come). I'm recently back to being me. No parent who has made it through the process raising a small child is the same self he or she was before. I am changed and pleased with the growth. But the baby years were challenging and took all of my time and energy. It took solid, hard, action to find myself again--and it didn't come without effort. But in that effort I re-remembered my love of storytelling, of accounting my journey for my posterity and maybe a friend or another mom who needs a pick-me-up. I rediscovered so many of the loves in my life and feel like the person who I thought was only ever going to be a memory has been brought back to join my new, current, self.
In the last five years I feel like I've become a new person. But in the five years before I feel like I became a new person as well. I love to study and grow. I guess I shouldn't be surprised in five years when enough has happened that I can hardly recognize the simplicity of what was.
I tend to be verbose, giving every one of my thoughts the clout I feel it deserves. So to spare all of you, and my future self the precious seconds lost from reading a lengthy blog post, we'll leave this recap up to my close friends, The Bullet Points.
A few big things happened an millions of little ones. They will be mentioned again an again and I'll mention whatever comes to mind now, and probably over and over again as I ever continue to analyze my life. I may have to limit them to a few sentences each.
1. My second daughter, C, was born. In August of 2015. She came easily, and was easy. What an amazing little babe. She fit right into our life and I continued without stopping. Mom, two-year-old A, and baby C who let us keep right on doing our thing. Her older sister doted on her. She progressed in opposite developmental styles of what I knew from my first. She turned 21 months and began to be ruled by a big set of emotions that are a big part of our family dynamic even now. She is amazingly insightful, very thoughtful, very emotional, very organized in her mind, very sensitive and very imaginative. Seeing her moments of understanding how much I love her helps me to be patient and always thinking of things through other people's eyes.
2. My first daughter, A, grew up. Gaining a sibling at age two and another at age four, she had no problem being my helper and thinking she was one of the adults. She bloomed into the still, ever-coloring, creative, understanding, wise, social butterfly that she is now. She goes through life with slighter ups and downs that she handles pretty maturely and thinks through well. Having her come home from school only reaffirms my love of the late afternoon hours.
3. My first son, B, was born in September of 2017. He was my most needy baby, sleeping mainly when snuggled or rocked to sleep, and then for short amounts of time. He slept on his own through the night for the first time at 15 months, and humbled me into realizing every parent is doing their best and no amount of prior knowledge can ensure that you will know how to raise a child. He is a lovely guy. So funny. Making us laugh. Curious, wild, and charming. Snuggling his little face is a highlight of every day.
4. My brother passed away. Having been through a major challenge that shook and then stabilized my self-understanding a worth literally a week or two before he died let me take his death into my life in an understanding and somewhat eternal manner. I think the good state I was in at the time has helped and hindered me. I grew exponentially from the understandings I took away from all of the emotions and thoughts I experienced. But with such an eternal perspective, and the general feeling like I know him so well and he's still around, I do find myself, some days, being re-surprised he's not actually here. I definitely now let each day be lived rather than worried through, in true style of my little bro.
5. My marriage grew. We've been married for 10 years and had a major change almost every year since. The wife I was at the beginning is so naive and simple compared to the wife I am now. I have overcome most of my stubbornness, and have become so much more understanding that my husband is my dearest person and deserves my attention. He is a very stable, safe, part of my life, and I try to help him know I appreciate his fatherly, patriarchal qualities. I'd love to understand him as much as I understand myself some day, and I love to have that goal in the back of mind.
I promised myself I'd post what I was thinking and not leave things to be finished for another day that might not come in the blogging world. So here you are. Left with these thoughts that are just a tiny spot of everything working in my mind right now.
Background info always helps us understand the story more! Have the best night.
Allie
The last time I posted was when my oldest daughter was one-and-a-half and this may very well be the first time I've come up for air.
I type this from my keyboard covered in sharpie, with my middle daughter laying of the floor playing with a kitchen utensil, my youngest, a son, sleeping off a nose-smashing, lip-bleeding fall he experienced while I taught Stroller Strides this morning, and my oldest daughter on her way home from a beloved short day of school.
The title I'm back means so much more than that I am back to my blog (and a maybe at that because who knows what will come). I'm recently back to being me. No parent who has made it through the process raising a small child is the same self he or she was before. I am changed and pleased with the growth. But the baby years were challenging and took all of my time and energy. It took solid, hard, action to find myself again--and it didn't come without effort. But in that effort I re-remembered my love of storytelling, of accounting my journey for my posterity and maybe a friend or another mom who needs a pick-me-up. I rediscovered so many of the loves in my life and feel like the person who I thought was only ever going to be a memory has been brought back to join my new, current, self.
In the last five years I feel like I've become a new person. But in the five years before I feel like I became a new person as well. I love to study and grow. I guess I shouldn't be surprised in five years when enough has happened that I can hardly recognize the simplicity of what was.
I tend to be verbose, giving every one of my thoughts the clout I feel it deserves. So to spare all of you, and my future self the precious seconds lost from reading a lengthy blog post, we'll leave this recap up to my close friends, The Bullet Points.
A few big things happened an millions of little ones. They will be mentioned again an again and I'll mention whatever comes to mind now, and probably over and over again as I ever continue to analyze my life. I may have to limit them to a few sentences each.
 |
| photo credit: tylynnbphotography |
1. My second daughter, C, was born. In August of 2015. She came easily, and was easy. What an amazing little babe. She fit right into our life and I continued without stopping. Mom, two-year-old A, and baby C who let us keep right on doing our thing. Her older sister doted on her. She progressed in opposite developmental styles of what I knew from my first. She turned 21 months and began to be ruled by a big set of emotions that are a big part of our family dynamic even now. She is amazingly insightful, very thoughtful, very emotional, very organized in her mind, very sensitive and very imaginative. Seeing her moments of understanding how much I love her helps me to be patient and always thinking of things through other people's eyes.
2. My first daughter, A, grew up. Gaining a sibling at age two and another at age four, she had no problem being my helper and thinking she was one of the adults. She bloomed into the still, ever-coloring, creative, understanding, wise, social butterfly that she is now. She goes through life with slighter ups and downs that she handles pretty maturely and thinks through well. Having her come home from school only reaffirms my love of the late afternoon hours.
3. My first son, B, was born in September of 2017. He was my most needy baby, sleeping mainly when snuggled or rocked to sleep, and then for short amounts of time. He slept on his own through the night for the first time at 15 months, and humbled me into realizing every parent is doing their best and no amount of prior knowledge can ensure that you will know how to raise a child. He is a lovely guy. So funny. Making us laugh. Curious, wild, and charming. Snuggling his little face is a highlight of every day.
4. My brother passed away. Having been through a major challenge that shook and then stabilized my self-understanding a worth literally a week or two before he died let me take his death into my life in an understanding and somewhat eternal manner. I think the good state I was in at the time has helped and hindered me. I grew exponentially from the understandings I took away from all of the emotions and thoughts I experienced. But with such an eternal perspective, and the general feeling like I know him so well and he's still around, I do find myself, some days, being re-surprised he's not actually here. I definitely now let each day be lived rather than worried through, in true style of my little bro.
5. My marriage grew. We've been married for 10 years and had a major change almost every year since. The wife I was at the beginning is so naive and simple compared to the wife I am now. I have overcome most of my stubbornness, and have become so much more understanding that my husband is my dearest person and deserves my attention. He is a very stable, safe, part of my life, and I try to help him know I appreciate his fatherly, patriarchal qualities. I'd love to understand him as much as I understand myself some day, and I love to have that goal in the back of mind.
I promised myself I'd post what I was thinking and not leave things to be finished for another day that might not come in the blogging world. So here you are. Left with these thoughts that are just a tiny spot of everything working in my mind right now.
Background info always helps us understand the story more! Have the best night.
Allie
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