The Right Way to Be
Thought of the day: There's not a right way to be.
Man, doesn't this thought run through your head off and on.
Today as we were eating lunch with my daughter at school for her half-birthday (summer birthdays are so great!) I was struck how affected I was watching her interact with friends! Over the last few years of her being in school I've realized A LOT more how often friends change at this young age, so I don't get that worked up at the news each day. They aren't making choices based on morals, similar beliefs, and a general attitude of caring, like I am-- they are just playing with the person who likes to play what they like to play.
Phew. I had to talk myself down when I got home! Was she being abandoned by long time friends who literally got up and moved from her when others came to the table? Was she able to cope with this!? She was fine. I gave her my own advice I'd been pondering on yesterday, don't let the things you can't control get in the way of you making positive choices with what you CAN control! I saw her downcast face and steered her toward two friends who were itching to play, waiting for her to hug me good-bye. She's fine.
I thought it was so interesting how affected I was, and when I got home I sat down to sort out why.
I grew up thinking there WAS a right way to be. In my little head (and now my larger head) somehow I've always had this ideal version of me and I feel like I should work to make that happen.
I'm glad this answer came quick as I asked "Well, how do I teach my kids there is no right way to be, but really there are some things that you really should be." Even as I teach my kids "There is no one way you have to be," I also teach them "You SHOULD be kind, you SHOULD be hardworking, etc." There is kind of a way to be.
The answer I came to for now is that there is a right way to be YOURSELF.
I need to work hard to be ME. And the right way to be me is to act on the things I value.
What a great groundwork for teaching my kids. Whenever we talk about our passions and what our purposes might be here in this life, I do try to lead my kids to help them realize what makes them happy. As a parent I can help to guide them to use this in their decision making. "Is this one of the things that makes me happy? Usually I feel happy when I'm kind, so I must actually be a kind person." Then lets help them work towards being great at being kind.
I was so overwhelmed for a second there. With the weight of raising a child who might grow into a teen with social anxiety that everyone is watching them and only them (me). But I don't have to be overwhelmed. I have so many moments with her and so many chats ahead of us to help her have that solid foundation of who she is, so she is stable and sure, and able to be herself, the right way.
Man, doesn't this thought run through your head off and on.
Today as we were eating lunch with my daughter at school for her half-birthday (summer birthdays are so great!) I was struck how affected I was watching her interact with friends! Over the last few years of her being in school I've realized A LOT more how often friends change at this young age, so I don't get that worked up at the news each day. They aren't making choices based on morals, similar beliefs, and a general attitude of caring, like I am-- they are just playing with the person who likes to play what they like to play.
Phew. I had to talk myself down when I got home! Was she being abandoned by long time friends who literally got up and moved from her when others came to the table? Was she able to cope with this!? She was fine. I gave her my own advice I'd been pondering on yesterday, don't let the things you can't control get in the way of you making positive choices with what you CAN control! I saw her downcast face and steered her toward two friends who were itching to play, waiting for her to hug me good-bye. She's fine.
I thought it was so interesting how affected I was, and when I got home I sat down to sort out why.
I grew up thinking there WAS a right way to be. In my little head (and now my larger head) somehow I've always had this ideal version of me and I feel like I should work to make that happen.
I'm glad this answer came quick as I asked "Well, how do I teach my kids there is no right way to be, but really there are some things that you really should be." Even as I teach my kids "There is no one way you have to be," I also teach them "You SHOULD be kind, you SHOULD be hardworking, etc." There is kind of a way to be.
The answer I came to for now is that there is a right way to be YOURSELF.
I need to work hard to be ME. And the right way to be me is to act on the things I value.
What a great groundwork for teaching my kids. Whenever we talk about our passions and what our purposes might be here in this life, I do try to lead my kids to help them realize what makes them happy. As a parent I can help to guide them to use this in their decision making. "Is this one of the things that makes me happy? Usually I feel happy when I'm kind, so I must actually be a kind person." Then lets help them work towards being great at being kind.
I was so overwhelmed for a second there. With the weight of raising a child who might grow into a teen with social anxiety that everyone is watching them and only them (me). But I don't have to be overwhelmed. I have so many moments with her and so many chats ahead of us to help her have that solid foundation of who she is, so she is stable and sure, and able to be herself, the right way.
Thanks universe for sending me this quote today:
"If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why its your path."
- Joseph Campbell
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